I hope you enjoyed that one time you insulted my favorite character because I’m going to hold it against you for the rest of our lives
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now
I want to be one of those people who does yoga and eats berries for breakfast, but I’m one of those people who stays in bed until 4 pm and eats pizza.
my goal in life is to be so hot that people can’t pronounce words right when they’re trying to talk to me